7/3/2010 SpongeBob Snake Head Six Months Jinx finally broken!

Late morning on a weltering Saturday, a client canceled so I decided to drag a begging Sponge Bob out to break a bad voodoo hex.  We ate some Kosher Salt and downed a pint of warm Coke before we arrived at one of Margate’s finest canals.  On hot days like this where the inclination is to strip naked, the author usually stuck to convenience store fishing – we fish a canal system that is surrounded by several we can stop at quickly to chase our heat stroke away.

Up on our arrival we were greeted by a lawn crew perplexed by our violation of their noisy strip mall parking lot sanctuary.  They were busy trimming the coco plum and Surinam cherry bushed flanking the south side of this garbage strewn mini strip mall canal – their clippings will enrich the water for  some foul smelling algae.  The two to four feet deep water was saturated with scum and bursting with hairline algae balls that seemed to ball up the scum frog we were using.  We wait for the Lawn Engineers to complete their task of blowing everything everywhere as their noise has scared a few snake head into hiding.

The lawn engineers settled down to a shady tree nearby, watching the entertainment to commence.  In this Greek Tragedy The El Gringo and the Anorexic Buddha were casting into an unknown sewage canal, and our lawn engineers were shaking their heads “No pez amigo…no fish El Loco Gringo y El Chino” they said in Spanglish.   To their shock SpongeBob caught his first snake head ever. The second snake head was a small terror but two snake heads in less than half hour got the Mexican Crew uptight, wishing they had their poles.  By two pm the audience and performers were ready to give up when the last snake head ambushed Sponge Bob at the end of the strip mall culvert and gave us a fight in two feet of water. Sponge fished out a nice six lb’ed that got a standing ovation from the lawn engineers – they came over to check out our gigs and lures.

SpongeBob Tally: one 13 ounces, one a kilo, 33 inch six lb Snakehead his largest to date

7/4/2010 PhisingPhanatic Graduation and the Spitting Cobra Snake Head of Tamarac test Amish Grasshopper’s Snake Fu.

Ahhh yes it was time, that sweating time for the Amish Grasshopper PhisingPhanatic to return and finish his Giant Snake Head Training and gain mastery of Giant Snake Fu.   So the Urban Buddha decides to take his favorite student to the Spitting Cobra Snake Head Pit in Tamarac for his Graduation (it is not Hampstead Park, much better).  Before the curtain of dawn, beating out his Cuban’s neighbor Peacock and his Maltese kids, Safeman was up making offerings to the porcelain God before the twilight horizon reach out and kiss its bless ray on our Independent Day.   At quarter to five our Amish Grasshopper was no where to be found in Boca Pointe, probably again being molested at the front gate security by our recent hired, ex-Vatican Priest…who know, the Urban Buddha wait for no amnesty.  Just when the Anorexic Enlighten One about to peel off to Snake Head Shangri-la, Rory decide to haunt our sore attention, mentioning about being loss some how to the snow bird abandoned sleepy town of Boca Raton.

We arrived in Tamarac at one of my favorite condo complex by a strip mall were I buy my Korean Groceries.  Half past five we were already sweating from the heat of a Pre Fourth of July, the Enlightened one extol upon Amish Grasshopper the virtue of patience before the ambition to set that hook.  But our hammerhead bridge shark expert decides the old anorexic hermit did not know his fart, and so Rory decide to throw the Enlightened One’s favorite scum frog collection into the bush and cormorants nest losing many to the wind of self-recklessness.  Amish Grasshopper PhisingPhanatic  propel a couple scum’s frog into an unfortunate egret nest, some how a nestling scare and fell into the water, and a loud vacuum sound of a giant snake head inhaling the screeching hatchling before Rory could launch the scum bullet into the tree bush and cattail snags to sing its glory.   By Six am, Rory manage to loose 15 snake heads because he is too lazy to apply even pressure and his gleeful premature impotence of setting hook let to 15 snake head spitting the hooks two feet to landing net.

This author has never seen so many snake heads in any previous departure.  As the opulence of a peach horizon hit the silky silence surface of Spitting Snake Head Shangri-la; the author have already sight over fifty snake head feasting a pre-fourth of July banquet and fear Amish Grasshopper delinquent way has earned nothing in the Martial Art of Snake Fu for history.   Safeman had to pull PhisingPhanatic aside and had a pep talk, you know Sifu to grasshopper talk like…Jesus Christ Rory, how in the Sam Hill Billy you manage to be bamboozling by the famous Spitting Snake Heads of Tamarac Shangri-la?  While I chew him out, he was busy playing with the gar fish that just shred more of Safeman rare Scum Frog collection.  The pre dawn delinquent finally snag a small Spitting Cobra who was just as dam lazy as Rory and did not even bother to fight hard like any decent self respecting cobra snakehead of W. Broward would do.  It seem like Rory has not practice throwing frog into his neighbor’s hedges since our last dojo session; there is a dire need of skill here compare to boat or bridge fishing methodology.

By now the skinniest snake head I have ever seen in Spitting Cobra Olympic Village, about forty inch was busy chasing the blood scum frog almost to Rory feet without even acknowledging the frustrated bank hopper PhisingPhanatic, who was again infatuate with burlesquing the black gar fishes.  I literary had to yell Rory…fish on!  Holy Mackerel, the Lazy Amish Grasshopper just stare at the fish as the Giant Potential World Record Spitting Cobra Snakehead follow the tranquilize blood scum and inhale it.  You would think PhisingPhanatic would let the line out so the fish can run and swallow, but oh no Rory did his premature ejaculation by setting the hook too soon and high five the birds and everyone not in sight.   And what do you think our Giant World Record 40 plus inch Spitting Cobra Snake Head of Tamarac did, it just spit literary out onto the bank while FishyPhanatic reeling back so hard the scum hit Safeman in the head.  “Don’t count your chicken until they hatch…”  Next time I am wearing my Samurai Armor when fishing with Sensei FishyPhanatic!

Oh why Lord do Boatless Fishing Forum send me these reckless misfits to befriend the Snake Head Kingdom?  I gather my thought and regain my imagination; this kid is not going to ruin my Fourth of July Fairy Tale.  By Seven Am we have lost another seventeen snake head that just spit the lure as fast as Rory set, I was frustrated and I start to yell Rory we have destroyed a baker dozen of my best new scum–we run out soon and have to go home before 7:30 AM.  I guess fear of going home early to our wives with empty pictures alibi invigorate a fire to produce.  The last fish was Rory lucky fish and a fish that bring him one step closer to being a marked brother in the Snake Head Brotherhood (S H I T – B).  But let’s not get ahead of this scaly tale, prior to his last fish of the day was a fish among giant that bust out of the deep ledge and hit like a great white shark.   And finally Rory set a hook so tight that you though he was landing a shark in the key.  Well now when you catch a World Record Giant Snake Head, you need to reel it in as fast as you can, you do not play with the fish, or you will loose them.  Well our hammerhead expert was reeling and playing, dancing a little jig…oh yeah… oh yeah…. And by now even the Safeman patience has spent out like coal dust and the frustration have been taxed by the failure of the will to knock some sense into the young Phanatic’s mind.

But just as Cocky Rory was to pull in the monster almost six inch from the bank and my landing net…the braid broke by the fish razor sharp teeth and Rory enthusiasm was choking with ash on what was once a youthful reckless abandonment.   I have warn him prior due diligent to cut the braid a foot and retie for each snake bite or catch.  The Enlightened One was laughing his ass off, you remember when you had a few tacos and the bean or some thing that crawl up your ass and died, you aching stomach finally let out a loose one and it feel so relieving good to expel the gas…well that is exactly how this author feel for Rory misfortune…that indispensable youth earn a valuable lesson today!   Yeahh Rory looks like a defeat puppy and ready to pack up and go home, defeated by the Spitting Cobra Snake Heads of Tamarac.

This Aesop story does not end this way…naww I feel sorry for the numskull and decide to be a Good Samaritan for one day without being sued.  I told him to throw into my favorite ledge secretly knowing he will get a monster.   Rory nonchalantly threw in on command without depth of feeling and reeling it back robotically, he just want to go home to a fail day of not making his mark.  His second cast to the same ledge but on the bank, as he start pulling from the bank into the water, Roman Candle the snake head shot from the phantom depth (Ok so the canal is only three feet deep) and gulp the Band-Aid Scum Frog.  Fish on, count to three and set…..reel it in Rory and I will land Roman Candle.   Well this was a 38 inch fish that weight an ounce north of nine lb–very skinny fish, hungry and looking for breakfast before it is over.  This was Rory personal best Snake Head in weight and length.  Normally a fish that is 38 inch should weight around 10-12lb, hopefully the rainy season is finally among us so the exotic forage fish can spawn and fatten up our Spitting Cobra Snake Head of Tamarac for another spitting contest.

Tally for the day; 50 snake head spotted

Rory (PhisingPhanatic) 30 spit lures, one broke braid and land three fish biggest at 9 lb one ounce named Roman Candle.

Safeman:  30 plus fire ant bites while spotting for the Amish Grasshopper and another Hell of a fishy tales for the holiday patriots!! Whoohooo Rory, our next trip will be Blind Clown of Lake Magnolia.

Load up on bleeding lure Rory, Congratulation PhisingPhanatic on your final Mastery of Snake-Fu, Amish Grasshopper you are but no more a lazy bankhopper but Sifu FishyPhanatic; might your reel eternal peeling, your quick set pretty and tight, your beard blossom into a Fu Manchu, and your cussing vocabulary improve with the age and wisdom. LOL

Safeman:  Sardines Rule Baby!!!